Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny it.

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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:35 pm

if i didnt have a few promethazines left when nausea hits me and i hurl once then just on my own i wouldnt stop.... It starts a cycle where i would just lose any control... Down to where i just lose all my fluids... but i would just dry heave till the white light would kick in eventually.... If it wasnt such a painful way to go i would just let it happen.... Its a hard hard way to go though... Even though i would love to stop fighting when i got a few of these ER level nausea pills i cant help but take them... I will run out of them eventually... That process is horrible but passing with a all encompasing heavenly realm of light and peace is so amazing.... So that is actually the reason why i dont want to do something that is just over in a second.... Atleast not go that way where i have to do it myself... The drive to exist is just a fact of being human..... I just remember how when that spirit molecule is in full force it feels that some universal power is answering any doubt u have and puts you at total peace with the situation....

I wrote up the experience when it was so fresh in my mind afterwards... i will post it here... Put it pretty good words...
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:40 pm

this was more than a year ago now.... It was when a bunch of tornadoes came in and a wall of water came over.... I stumbuled out of my trailer and was literally dying in a muddy ditch... And it was glorious thanks to the white light.... That power is so good it was saying through pure feelings that everything is ok even passing in a ditch... really not possible to convey in words but i did a pretty good job of it... here it is

Well i guess i will share something since it was kinda a revelation for me... I had a near death experience several weeks ago... I have had near death experiences but those were near instant experiences when i would of gone in a instant in a crash.... But this last time was when my body and mind were brought to the edge and I had one of those experiences where I was seeing into another world that only appears when near death.... My body was shutting down, sick of anguish and suffering from this chronic nerve condition i have..... I have to take so much medicine my blood would get a Vampire High.... I hate the meds and wish the hundreds of procedures and dozens of surgeries could of saved me... Dying from sheer pain is not fun at ALL.... But with this last experience of coming so close to the edge I have found some comfort... Cause there is a truth to all those stories of seeing something that can only be seen when u are near the edge.... A different world that begins to open up when spiraling towards death... Like a extra dimension that we simple cant see in our normal lives. It was my neighbor that was around when I was just convulsing on the the ground and completely unable to communicate... I just slipped into this state after being sick for a LONG month... It was when a HUGE storm swept into DFW ... When a wall of water came through with a bunch of tornadoes.... I remember the way my mind just started to let go from my suffering body.... However in my situation I have just had to learn to just take the pain and be a man. So when i still had some control i didnt immediately go to the emergency room.. My Bad... Cause My neighbor took me to Hughleys hospital which most everyone here knows is a death trap... But before that was a crazy ride... Time Stopped Flowing in any earthly way... It felt like a eternity when I was slipping away... Reality became a wild Loop and the passage of time pretty much stopped. I have always strived to be a good guy any way i could. So I dont know what darker souls may see. But I saw the light that u hear from all the stories.. My neghbor was patting me on the back a trying to tell me that everything will be ok while he was taking me to the emergency room. I remember how there was a rainbow that came out after the storm... A huge vertical rainbow. I remember Josh saying hey just look at that rainbow man.. I was tripping hard.. I was seeing so much light that when i looked over at him in the driver's seat I thought he was a Angel or something trying to talk to me... The worry of death completly fell away... What i was seeing was saying that It Is OK... Dont worry...... My experience was telling me that it is ok to let go... I was letting go.... Death did not seem like any kind of scary thing... It felt like the world i was seeing was saying that whatever happened it was not a bad thing... I felt at peace with the situation... On that wild drive reality was spinning out away but a sense that that was ok enveloped me... I tried to open the door and just go. But i was buckled in so i couldnt... I wanted to go with the light... I was Ready... I actually wish I could of let go cause i was at Such Peace with it.... To bad I got to the hospital cause when i was wrenched back into life it was so violent compared to the peace that I was feeling... I was mostly unconscious when i was hooked up to the machines and forced back to life... Light and Peace felt way better than being brought back into the Fight... Coming back to the world was a horrible experience while when I was Leaving it everything felt alright.... Going from the expanded dimensions and back into the few that we can see in our waking world was sad... Yet being able to look back at the experience and see that it was such feeling of revalation is a good thing... Death itself holds no feelings of foreboding anymore... I learned to not fear death long ago but to be given the sight that the experience itself felt like a good thing is a comfort to know now.... So here i am putting my view of the thing up for everyone to see... It feels like I should share that I Did see the Light in the Darkest Situation... There IS something there at the edge to see.... It was beautiful... Full of light and a feeling of contentedness... Not anything to Fear when i was there... That is something good out of the bad... Light where when before it felt like there was darkness... Peace at the End of our Struggles... A place to rest after a life of effort... Not a Bad Thing at all....
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby janetm2 » Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:02 am

John,
Thanks for sharing. I have hoped there would be peace given all the illnesses my brother went through with chronic pain at the 2nd stroke and death at the third. The chronic pain put him in a similar state to my PNE/PN but I certainly did not wish him to meet me at that. I really hope somehow things work out for you now rather than more circling with the drs!
Janet
2007-08 pelvic muscles spasms (per colon-rectal dr.) treated by ElectroGalvanicStimulis(EGS). 6/27/10 sat too long on a hard chair- spasms, EGS not work Botox help, spine pain dr cortisone shots in coccyx help, still pain, PT found PNE & sent me to Dr Marvel nerve blocks & MRN, TG left surgery 5/9/11. I have chronic bunion pain started/surgery at age 21. TG gave me back enough sitting to keep my job and join in some social activities. I wish the best to everyone!
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Fri Apr 08, 2016 6:16 am

Yeah Janet...

I believe that everyone that is brought to the edge sees a form of what i saw.... I think now that whatever form is most comforting is show to the person when their sufferering body puts you there at the edge.... When i was dying every question of why i had to suffer with this disease felt like it was being answered by a higher power... It felt like the whole universe was talking to me not through words but through sheer feelings.... I asked why i had to go through this... And that was answered... I asked why has this test had to be so hard... And it was answered... I asked why i had this horrible disease... and it was answered.... The answers that are conveyed through feelings are not possible to put into words... Because the answers are not in a language that exists just in this dimension that we can see here in the waking world... When you are passing extra dimensions that are unfathomable start to open up to you... Your consciousness expands into contact with the whole universe it seems.... It is really hard to explain... Especially since it has been so long since it happened ... It was very very clear in the mind when i came back to this life.... Words alone just cant express what you feel with every fiber of your being.... The kind of things we think about heaven do absolutely no justice to what you see when the white light fills your consciousness... We think in three dimensions... But dimensions that can not be fathomed open up to you... It felt like i was becoming one with a universal power... A power that fills you with such a feeling of contentedness.... It does not feel like you are dying... It feels like you are expanding to join something so beautiful.... Your earthly questions are answered as soon as they pop into your mind... And you are amazed as one by one any question you have is answered in full.... I know for me i wanted to know why i had to be put to such a immeasureable test by this disease... I can not convey in words what that answer was... You can not understand it until your soul feels like it expands to dimensions so far beyond what we exist in in the here and now.... I was dying literally in a ditch... So of course you ask why am i dying in such a horrible way... But the answer to why is so glorious there is no way to explain it.... Not in words that feel so mundane compared to how a universe of Light and Peace encompass you in such a feeling of contentedness,,,,,

Jei Carter
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby Violet M » Fri Apr 08, 2016 6:37 am

John,

It makes me feel sad and concerned that you are thinking so much about death. You are a valued member of our community and we appreciate you sharing with us. If you are having thoughts of suicide please get help from somewhere -- a suicide hotline or go to the ER.

USA - National Suicide Prevention Hotline

In the USA call toll-free 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. - Read more

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I don't know what type of operating system you have on your computer but if you want to add an avatar try websizing or compressing it and see if that works. Or send me a copy and maybe I can get it up on the forum for you. Let me know and I can PM you my email address if that's what you want to do.

Violet
PNE since 2002. Started from weightlifting. PNE surgery from Dr. Bautrant, Oct 2004. Pain now is usually a 0 and I can sit for hours on certain chairs. No longer take medication for PNE. Can work full time and do "The Firm" exercise program. 99% cured from PGAD. PNE surgery was right for me but it might not be for you. Do your research.
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:30 am

I dont think about death really.... While i was dying in physical terms what you feel when passing so close to the edge is that you are ascending.... Your consciousness elevating...

Just last night Violet i started to puke to death.... I have about 15 promethazine left just like i would get in the ER ... So only by taking one did i interrupt the sequence and stop it...

My insurance will only cover doctors in the JPS group here... They told me to stop coming up there as they will not treat a chronic pain condition... I went to the Baylor emergency room on tuesday.... They were human... But when i got referals to a PCP Pain dr and a Neurosurgeon i found out on Wensday that i am not allowed to go see any of them with my Aetna insurance... Those drs offices said i had to go to JPS and no one else would take my insurance... But JPS says just go home a die and stop coming up here...lol

What am i supposed to do... PNE has made me so poor that I can not go anywhere for help.... JPS says we dont care and dont come up here... I know it is insane but it is no joke.... It is a Joke but a very Black Humor Joke how i am being treated....

I have NO Thoughts of wanting to commit suicide.... My body is literally dying from this disease.... This is not recognized by the medical community but is happening.... PNE is not just a chronic pain condition... It can kill you like it is doing to me.... Pain can kill you... The mind can only take so much Mental Suffereing... That is what causes me to start throwing up... And i will just keep on throwing up until my body will die.... I am constantly fighting to keep my body from doing this to me.... That is the fight i fight every single day.... If the PNE community needs a example that this disease is not just chronic pain I am it... I am sorry it is doing it to me.... I believe that all the people that disappear because they are made homeless out of absolute poverty and end up on the street with no medecine and no sensory input except suffering probably die from medical side effects of the torture that i have been forced to go through.... I have managed just to not be homeless... And just managed to keep a computer and internet access that gives me good sensory input.... But if i lost it and had nothing to do but stair at the four walls my mind would be put in the state that came so close to taking me out a year ago.... I know if i didnt manage being so poor so well i would be homeless.... I imagine most people couldnt survive on after rent about 130 dollars a month.... I dont know anyone that could live on that... and all of that goes to paying the electricity and internet bill... I get some food from the food pantry but i only get 20 dollars in foodstamps....with maybe another 10 dollars a month extra that i can spare for food.... Just utter poverty.... What kind of life can i live on that.... I have no way to go do stuff that might improve my quality of life... Doing anything in America requires u to have money to spend.... If i was a cripple in Europe u step out your door into a loving community.... No community really exists in american cities.... Just places to spend money.... In europe u can go do a million things without having to spend anything really.... But that is not how america works....everything is just about money here....

I am not even factoring in the disease there.... Just talking about trying to live on nothing... Which has been caused by the disease... Poor sick people are severly discriminated against here.... Because i was crippled so young in my life i dont get the huge social security checks that older people get.... Because i went to college and worked so hard I have techically like 1 and a half years to short of work to get the bigger check.... If i could go back in time i would not of gone to college but worked.... In fact I would go back and joined the military right after highschool.... I didnt know i was going to be completly crippled just a few years after highschool.... I saved every dollar i ever had in my young life... And had to spend it all on doctors in the first 5 years of being crippled... on countless doctors and then most on all the Pudendal doctors i went to go get failed surgeries from... Dr Filler took most everything i had in his Santa Monica practice... over 20000 dollars alone just for his cost... and travel expenses and having to heal up after that failed surgery and others cost me thousands more....

If it was medically politically legal to get the 4th Lumbar Dorsal Nerve Root Neurectomy I would be completly cured.... If i had known going through all the pudendal doctors which was recomended was a waste of time because my PNE was cause by such a extreme cause that it made pelvic pudendal surgeries useless i would of gone to get this surgery in other countries where it is still possible to get it.... If i had been cripple 10 years or more earlier i could of cured myself here.... But medical dogma made doctors scared to take the legal risk to do what i need to be done.....

I have been screwed by a perfect storm of so many wrong reasons.... So many have stacked up it is hard to keep count of them all.... All of it unnecessary but is how things have come to be in america.... For All these reasons I should be suicidal... But that is not who i am... I am a fighter... Stronger Willed than anyone i have ever met in my life if i am telling the truth... It is the only reason i am still here..... Any lesser person wouldnt be..... Any lesser person would not have lasted so long with this that their body is being killed by a "chronic pain" disease... So much chronic pain for so long that it has become a lethal disease....

What else can i say.... lol........ I am such a likeable person that when i was in Europe i was adopted temporarily by first a french family. and then by a polish family. and then by one group of cool polish people... and then by another group of cooler polish people... That was on just that one trip over there... If i was European i would have no troubles at all lol.... But here in america people dont help other people.... It is just the truth... People just think of themselves and hurt other people or dont care for other people's problems,,, That is for the most part.... If our communities were structured as they are in Europe i would have no problem finding the help i needed... But there is no help to be offered to people in need over here... I understand that people dont want to help people who wont help themselves... But for people with a good heart like me there is no help to find either.... Like i said the strong willed are punished with the weak willed when we have this condition.... All the literature classes in college made me into a big writer.... So i can convey these things in written form... But the mental torture has made it hard to verbally explain all this.... Thoughts are so scattered because i have had no happiness in my life for 10 years.... I seem like a happy person when i talk to people because i am kind but the last time i remember being happy was all the way back in college... I try to distract myself with things that would make regular people happy.... But the sword of damocles is always hanging by a thread over my head.... Ready to cut into my psyche.... Even when i was so many Utopian Paradises in Europe the ever present threat was always hanging over me.... I pretend as much as possible to be happy.... Because being in a negative mood causes the muscles to entrap the nerve.... For ten years though the best i can really do is try to be neutral.....
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:27 am

and yes violet i do want u to send u a pic that can be compressed to put up... I dont want to hide my identity... After having this for so long i dont pretend that i dont have a nerve disease that causes genital nerve torture.... My pride used to make me not want other people to know but any stigma against it has been beaten out of me.....
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby Violet M » Mon Apr 11, 2016 4:31 am

John, you can send your picture to admin@pudendalhope.org and I will see if I can compress it for you to put up. I don't know if you have applied for low income housing but it seems like maybe you could qualify.
http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src ... nce/phprog

I remember having some nausea along with my other symptoms but not vomiting like you are describing. Sounds miserable. It sounds like the anti-nausea medication helps at least though.

Violet
PNE since 2002. Started from weightlifting. PNE surgery from Dr. Bautrant, Oct 2004. Pain now is usually a 0 and I can sit for hours on certain chairs. No longer take medication for PNE. Can work full time and do "The Firm" exercise program. 99% cured from PGAD. PNE surgery was right for me but it might not be for you. Do your research.
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Mon Apr 11, 2016 8:19 am

i will send a pic/// the nausea pills have kept me the cycle that naturally would let me pass away from this... It is nausea caused by extreame psyche torture... Not not nausea... But a reaction to the brain being in so much distress that it makes the body trip out....
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Re: Curso of knowing my exact cure but medical politics deny

Postby John Carter » Mon Apr 11, 2016 8:33 am

My family has finally been shamed into helping me finally.... I was ostracized years ago because none of them believed in this disease.... it was a complex story but it was all because of the lack of understanding of this disease.... I am going to be moving to florida.... going to try to find my old doctor in south carolina since i will be relatively close... and looking for the surgery i want....
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