Not Sure What's Wrong With Me--Intro

Welcome to HOPE. We have tried to provide a place for newcomers to make their introductions. We will try our best to make you welcome and guide you through our website and Forum and assist you as best as we can through any questions you have regarding Pudendal Neuralgia.

Not Sure What's Wrong With Me--Intro

Postby TryingToDeal » Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:42 pm

Hi,

I've already posted in the pgad thread in another section of the forum but I thought I'd try to give a brief overview of my story here with some more details. I'm 34 and a virgin. Back in October I had vulvodynia. I was experiencing stabbing pains upon sitting and some urinary issues as well as in bladder pain. My doctor thought I had a UTI but then the culture came back negative so there was no real explanation for the pain I was having. I had to just deal with it and I did but I was very concerned about pgad, not because I actually had it, at least not back then, but because I had known about it for many years and when the pain started I immediately thought of it. When googling vulvodynia, it also came up as a possibility and my anxiety surged. I told my doctor back in November what my fears were and she assured me, although she never heard of the disorder that I didn't have that. She also told me my anxiousness was probably making the pain persist. She knows about my history of health anxiety and OCD.. I did my best to put it out of my mind and keep living my life. I did and the pain subsided but not my worry.

Fast forward to 12 days ago. I have a nerve disorder and have been on clonazepam for years, about 9. Well my doctor decided that she no longer wished to prescribe this and immediately put me on a Valium taper. I had issues with Valium in the past so I eventually ended up cold turkey off my meds. Bad idea. I started having a lot of weird sensations, not in that area but every where else. My twitching returned with a vengeance and my mood was very, very low. On Tuesday morning, I woke up after having taken a couple Benadryl before bed to aid with sleeping and then suddenly felt intense tingling from my pelvis to down there. I quickly realized it felt like I was about to have an o and panicked. I just stayed still until the feeling subsided. There was also a pressure feeling there as well in that area. I eventually ended up in the ER because I thought I was going to lose it. The feelings kept coming in the cab on the way to the hospital, on the gurney waiting to be evaluated and for many hours. I thought I was having mini o's but guess I was on the brink. It was very, very real and intense though. I had no issues using the bathroom at this time as they asked me to urinate for them a few times to check things. I eventually ended up admitted to the psych unit because of my med withdrawal and my low mood. I admitted to them I had thoughts of harming myself. I just couldn't fathom that all my worry about pgad was actually coming true and what that could mean for my life. I did nothing to "relieve" these feels as I read some do as I don't believe in doing that. I just felt like I lost complete control of my body. These feeling lasted even when I got to the psych hospital, all out of my control until they eventually put me on Librium to stabilize my system because they did feel I was in danger of a seizure.

Later they put me back on the Valium while hospitalized. I brought up what occurred to the psychiatrist there who also never heard of it but just felt the whole thing was a manifestation of my mind and the mind body connection. Honestly? I'd quite like to believe that and pray that this does not occur again but the other part of me is terrified that this is only the beginning. I'm not sure if this was med withdrawal or what. Benzos aren't usually known to cause this and I've never taken an SSRI.I have not experienced any more episodes. I finally went out for about an hour today and walked through snow up to my knees to grab a couple things which felt good to be out of the house. I'm supposed to see my GP tomorrow but she's unlikely to believe me. Who would? I mean I tell her I'm afraid of a very rare disorder and then I get it? I can't blame her if she blows me off. I might very well have to cancel though given the weather is very bad here. I'm trying to stay calm but panic often strikes when I think of maybe I'm just in a symptom free period as supposedly occurs from what I understand and that it's going to come back. Also, I'm not sure if the Valium is holding it off. It worries me for the future. Also, when I google and read the suicude stories, it makes it hard for me to fathom that could be me. I'm just so, so worried and I know that it's useless to try to think of what tomorrow might bring but I can't help it. Any help/guidance is appreciated. God bless everyone here struggling. Your courage gives me hope that whatever happens I can hopefully deal with it.
TryingToDeal
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:15 pm

Re: Not Sure What's Wrong With Me--Intro

Postby Violet M » Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:59 am

I replied to you in the other thread
viewtopic.php?f=48&t=1590&p=56255#p56255
but hopefully some others will have some ideas for you here.

Violet
PNE since 2002. Started from weightlifting. PNE surgery from Dr. Bautrant, Oct 2004. Pain now is usually a 0 and I can sit for hours on certain chairs. No longer take medication for PNE. Can work full time and do "The Firm" exercise program. 99% cured from PGAD. PNE surgery was right for me but it might not be for you. Do your research.
User avatar
Violet M
 
Posts: 5467
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:04 am
Location: United States

Re: Not Sure What's Wrong With Me--Intro

Postby Andy_Pablo » Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:02 am

I think Violet has pretty much covered it. Try not to panic. There are options for you. I wish you good luck going forward.
Credula vitam spes fovet et melius cras fore semper dicit...
Andy_Pablo
 
Posts: 154
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:27 pm
Location: Devon, England

Re: Not Sure What's Wrong With Me--Intro

Postby TryingToDeal » Mon Feb 13, 2017 5:18 pm

Thank you to you both. I'm just trying to hang in there as best as I can. I need to stop googling though because my anxiety gets so bad that I'm waking up in the night in fear, heart racing and shaky.
TryingToDeal
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:15 pm

Re: Not Sure What's Wrong With Me--Intro

Postby Violet M » Tue Feb 14, 2017 6:17 am

Right, it's better not to borrow trouble if you can help it. Sometimes knowing too much isn't good either. It helps if you can distract yourself with other things.

Violet
PNE since 2002. Started from weightlifting. PNE surgery from Dr. Bautrant, Oct 2004. Pain now is usually a 0 and I can sit for hours on certain chairs. No longer take medication for PNE. Can work full time and do "The Firm" exercise program. 99% cured from PGAD. PNE surgery was right for me but it might not be for you. Do your research.
User avatar
Violet M
 
Posts: 5467
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:04 am
Location: United States


Return to WELCOME CENTER

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 1 guest