Seeking your valuble insight
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:12 am
Hi everyone,
I want to first say thank you to all of you who have offered generous advice, encouragement, and insight for those who are feeling hopeless, such as myself. Since discovering this site, I have already gained more hope and determination to pursue medical intervention, and potentially debunk my mysterious ailment.
As long as I can remember, I have felt severe discomfort/tingling/torment in my genitals and lower spine -- as a child, I felt afraid that I was a freak of nature, and did all I could to conceal my suffering. Despite my best efforts to hideit, I would still be grabbing and applying pressure to my genitals almost constantly, and I remember being asked if I "needed to use the bathroom" frequently by adults. I was unsure about the cause of my discomfort, but was too afraid to ask for help, or to discuss the matter with anyone. In retrospect, it is painful to think about the sum of possibilities that I pondered, and the fear that crippled me, preventing me from speaking up about the torture I was in. I have been suffering from impeding discomfort and agony from my ailment for, what I am pretty sure, has been my entire life. I have hyperesthesia in my genital region that makes sitting, sleeping, walking, standing, urinating, etc., very irritating, and sometimes completely unbearable. If I do not use every ounce of my might to suppress the sensations, they rapidly progress into a throbbing/orgasm-like feeling that makes me want to rip my hair out -- it is so unnerving. I also have a tingling sensation in my sacral spine that sometimes migrates to my legs, and some tingling/itching in my finger tips.
I first expressed my discomfort to my mother when I was 8 or 9 years old, and I was only able to describe it as burning/itching in my genitals. Before any health care was sought, she did some internet research regarding my symptoms, and concluded that I must have had a yeast infection. We got some OTC medication, which I remember vividly applying myself (all the while, very confused and terrified), but alas, it did not resolve my discomfort; however, when my mother asked me, days later, if I felt better, I lied and told her that my discomfort was gone.
I suffered in silence for almost 10 years after that, until I was a young adult, and finally gained the courage to see a physician about my genital discomfort. I was still afraid, so I just went to Planned Parenthood, where I knew my parents would not need to be involved (for whatever reason, I was afraid that my mother would be upset with me for lying about my recovery years prior), and where I assumed I would find the help I needed. At that time, I was still completely ignorant about what was going on in my body, and had been in denial about it for so long/hiding/rationalizing my discomfort that the full magnitude of the dysfunction had not quite occurred to me. The doctor I saw basically diagnosed me with a yeast infection, and ran some STD tests (which came back negative), then sent me home with an oral medication for my "yeast infection," which did not resolve the issue.
I began to feel especially scared once I had officially embarked on the journey to find a solution, which seemed less and less possible as time went on. I have been slowly, but surely, working on addressing this issue for the past 5 years, but have had no success yet. Every doctor I have seen has either looked at me cross-eyed, proposed mental illness, prescribed anti-depressants, or implied that I need to just learn to live with this ailment... And that is no longer possible for me -- I can no longer maintain sanity while sitting in classes, doing my job, or even just sitting ("relaxing")... I am constantly, INCREDIBLY irritable due to the focus that is required to suppress my symptoms, and the frustration involved with the unwavering, tormenting sensation I feel in my body.
It has finally come to the point where I have had to drop out of school (due to sheer inability to sit still during lectures, or to study), quit my job, and move in with my parents while I attempt to seek medical assistance. I am dying for resolution to my life-long misery, and fear that I will not be able to continue suffering for much longer... I have sustained so much mental damage from hiding my shame, discomfort, and fear for the entirety of my life, and I am still completely afraid. This ailment has spawned the development of many other ailments during my life (bulimia/anorexia, depression, anxiety, constipation/GI dysfunction, urinary incontinence, etc.), and I am way past my breaking point.
I have read so many stories from you all, noted suggestions and methods for coping/pursuing help/treatment, and I am so endlessly grateful to you all because I now have some leads that I would have been struggling to attain on my own. If anyone has any advice, input, or can relate to my story, I would greatly appreciate your contribution.
Thank you so much
I want to first say thank you to all of you who have offered generous advice, encouragement, and insight for those who are feeling hopeless, such as myself. Since discovering this site, I have already gained more hope and determination to pursue medical intervention, and potentially debunk my mysterious ailment.
As long as I can remember, I have felt severe discomfort/tingling/torment in my genitals and lower spine -- as a child, I felt afraid that I was a freak of nature, and did all I could to conceal my suffering. Despite my best efforts to hideit, I would still be grabbing and applying pressure to my genitals almost constantly, and I remember being asked if I "needed to use the bathroom" frequently by adults. I was unsure about the cause of my discomfort, but was too afraid to ask for help, or to discuss the matter with anyone. In retrospect, it is painful to think about the sum of possibilities that I pondered, and the fear that crippled me, preventing me from speaking up about the torture I was in. I have been suffering from impeding discomfort and agony from my ailment for, what I am pretty sure, has been my entire life. I have hyperesthesia in my genital region that makes sitting, sleeping, walking, standing, urinating, etc., very irritating, and sometimes completely unbearable. If I do not use every ounce of my might to suppress the sensations, they rapidly progress into a throbbing/orgasm-like feeling that makes me want to rip my hair out -- it is so unnerving. I also have a tingling sensation in my sacral spine that sometimes migrates to my legs, and some tingling/itching in my finger tips.
I first expressed my discomfort to my mother when I was 8 or 9 years old, and I was only able to describe it as burning/itching in my genitals. Before any health care was sought, she did some internet research regarding my symptoms, and concluded that I must have had a yeast infection. We got some OTC medication, which I remember vividly applying myself (all the while, very confused and terrified), but alas, it did not resolve my discomfort; however, when my mother asked me, days later, if I felt better, I lied and told her that my discomfort was gone.
I suffered in silence for almost 10 years after that, until I was a young adult, and finally gained the courage to see a physician about my genital discomfort. I was still afraid, so I just went to Planned Parenthood, where I knew my parents would not need to be involved (for whatever reason, I was afraid that my mother would be upset with me for lying about my recovery years prior), and where I assumed I would find the help I needed. At that time, I was still completely ignorant about what was going on in my body, and had been in denial about it for so long/hiding/rationalizing my discomfort that the full magnitude of the dysfunction had not quite occurred to me. The doctor I saw basically diagnosed me with a yeast infection, and ran some STD tests (which came back negative), then sent me home with an oral medication for my "yeast infection," which did not resolve the issue.
I began to feel especially scared once I had officially embarked on the journey to find a solution, which seemed less and less possible as time went on. I have been slowly, but surely, working on addressing this issue for the past 5 years, but have had no success yet. Every doctor I have seen has either looked at me cross-eyed, proposed mental illness, prescribed anti-depressants, or implied that I need to just learn to live with this ailment... And that is no longer possible for me -- I can no longer maintain sanity while sitting in classes, doing my job, or even just sitting ("relaxing")... I am constantly, INCREDIBLY irritable due to the focus that is required to suppress my symptoms, and the frustration involved with the unwavering, tormenting sensation I feel in my body.
It has finally come to the point where I have had to drop out of school (due to sheer inability to sit still during lectures, or to study), quit my job, and move in with my parents while I attempt to seek medical assistance. I am dying for resolution to my life-long misery, and fear that I will not be able to continue suffering for much longer... I have sustained so much mental damage from hiding my shame, discomfort, and fear for the entirety of my life, and I am still completely afraid. This ailment has spawned the development of many other ailments during my life (bulimia/anorexia, depression, anxiety, constipation/GI dysfunction, urinary incontinence, etc.), and I am way past my breaking point.
I have read so many stories from you all, noted suggestions and methods for coping/pursuing help/treatment, and I am so endlessly grateful to you all because I now have some leads that I would have been struggling to attain on my own. If anyone has any advice, input, or can relate to my story, I would greatly appreciate your contribution.
Thank you so much