Dr. Alan gordon app coming up/ morbid thoughts delima

[Chex]

Ok here goes. I had an appointment back in April with a gyno. She told me that I definately have nerve damage and instructed me to take metamucile and increase my elavil. I did the metamucile for fibre and it did make me go everyday but did not change the pain in my pelvis after a BM. Anyway she told me to increase my elavil but I have been afraid to because I have been having morbid thoughts/suicidal thoughts since the spring. It is not like me at all and scares me. I have not told anyone but I was afraid to take anymore meds in case that was causing the thoughts. Now I am afraid my appointemnt with Dr. gordon is coming in a week and maybe he will be angry I didn't increase my meds like the gno told me to do. Maybe he will think I have wasted his time and maybe he is only going to increase my meds anyway. I was thinking of just increasing the elavil this weekend. I was too embarrassed to tell my wierd thoughts to my family dr and the gyno.

[calluna]

It is hard admitting something like this, you've done the right thing deciding to talk about it, well done.

No doctor would be possibly angry about something like this, and no-one will think you've been wasting anyone's time.

You don't know what has been causing these thoughts. Maybe it is the Elavil/amitriptyline, maybe it isn't.

What is certain, is that you must talk to a doctor as soon as you possibly can. As a matter of urgency. Doesn't matter who you see. And don't do anything at all regarding changing the meds - let the doctor decide that.

Stay safe, and please keep posting.

[Skylar]

Hi Chex,
I agree with Calluna, it may or may not be the medication causing your depression but talking about it is a great first step. I sent a personal message to your HOPE user account yesterday.Let me know if you didn't get the pm and I will resend it.
All the best, Fall Girl

[helenlegs 11]

Hi Chex,
Identifying this problem is crucial, you have identified it and as Calluna said 'well done'. There isn't a fits one fits all with medication so don't be hard on yourself about this, you have just been sensible. No one could challenge you for that, so don't worry.
Please act on Calluna's advice and seek a doctors help. You are having to cope with pain and maybe a medication that doesn't altogether suit you. Every doctor is aware of the correlation between chronic pain and all forms of depression, plus the link between some antidepressants and suicidal thoughts has been well documented.
No one will be 'angry' that you haven't increased the elavil but I would seek out a/your doctors advice before you see Dr Gordon, which I'm sure will put your mind at rest on that score.
Take care,
Helen

[DoubleEdgedSword]

Chex, please talk to a doctor about your depression ASAP, before Doc Gordon's appointment.. I just spoke to my doc on Friday about my depression (NOTHING to be embarrassed about!), my breakthrough pain, my stress/anxiety concerning my home invasion, my anger and frustration at not making any progress in my life the last several months, and while I set a large portion of the blame on my Lyrica, there are those other extenuating circumstances that have led me six direction in Hell.. I want my pain to end, but not like that..

Take charge of it and decide you're worth it to get to the bottom of it. You said it's not like you at all to have these thoughts.. I've had similar dark thoughts too and it may be caused by your meds, but it may also be caused by your chronic pain and seeing no improvement.. While none of us wants to be in needless pain for the rest of our days, this isn't the correct solution for making the pain end.. There are a slew of meds that can make it better for you.. Maybe it will take a bit of experimenting to find the correct one and the right dosage, but approach it with an open mind, and DON'T be embarrassed or afraid to talk to your doc about ANYTHING!! I had to go to my doc (a male) and tell him I'd been horny (!!) for a couple of months, so you can do this, dear!!

While we all ponder our own mortality and wonder how our closest folks will cope after we're gone, it's not good to dwell on it or plan our own demise.. Don't let yourself get into that state where it seems the easiest solution, because it's one you can't change once you've made that move.. We can all share your burdens, we can empathize or sympathize with you, so please don't feel you're totally alone, and don't be embarrassed to tell your doc about this.. It's the kindest thing you can do for yourself and trust me, if (s)he's familiar with meds, depression is a side effect of many of them, so it won't be anything new. Please do this, and know that you have support here..

[Chex]

I had my appointment with dr. Gordon and I told him everything. He gave me a lot of hope by telling me about treatment options. Things felt so much brighter! He said that he was going to write my family physician about such options and an antidepressant. At the moment, I feel so much better about things that I don't think I need an antidepressant but if those thoughts come around again...I'm all for it. He is wanting to change my meds that I am on...but I do not know what to yet.

[helenlegs 11]

That's such good news Chex.
Doesn't it make such a difference when someone, who can make a difference has your best interests at heart. When we say we are depressed it's often the fact that we are just so low because the problem is difficult to deal with and it's unbelievably difficult to get any help with it too. Glad you have got that help.
Take care,
Helen

[DoubleEdgedSword]

So glad you had your appointment and you're feeling more hopeful, Chex!

It's simply amazing what an antidepressant can do for your outlook. Like I said, I had the morbid thoughts too, and three days on a low dose of Cymbalta turned my outlook around. I'm still coping with the side effects and such, but any med will have them, and it's a matter of adjusting to them, or they bother you so much you need to switch to something else..

If you care to DM me, my appointment is October 1st, so I'd appreciate knowing basically what went on and what sorts of things he suggested.. Thanks so much!

I hope you'll consider his suggestions and weight them before you jump into anything.

Take good care and hope your treatment plan works out well for you!